


Bits and Bites

by TheDarkMetalLady



Series: Four Heroes Walk Into a Bar... [3]
Category: Gloryhammer (Band)
Genre: Crack, Funny, Gen, Humor, poisonous versus venomous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21588538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkMetalLady/pseuds/TheDarkMetalLady
Summary: What is the difference between venomous and poisonous?
Series: Four Heroes Walk Into a Bar... [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1537972
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23





	Bits and Bites

**Author's Note:**

> I thank and blame Lavender_Persimmon305 and Ebony_Draygon.
> 
> I do not own the Gloryhammer characters. Please note that this story is about the _characters represented by the band_ and **not** about the band members themselves.

Four heroes sat together in a bar: a holographic knight from Crail, a royal warrior from Unst, a mysterious hermit from Cowdenbeath, and a young prince from Dundee.

“So, what is the difference between poisonous and venomous, anyways?” asked Crown Prince Angus McFife XIII. “Aren’t they practically the same in that they both kill you?”

“There’s some difference,” the Hootsman commented, pouring himself a mug of mead. “It’s not too important. Ask the bookworm, if you need to know. Hey Old Cavedust, what’s the difference between poisonous and venomous?”

“I can give you a practical demonstration of both,” the hermit muttered, clearly not wanting to interact with either meathead. 

“If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous,” explained the knight before the hermit could act upon his offer of demonstrating. “If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.”

“What if it bites me and it dies?” Angus asked. 

“That means you’re poisonous,” said the hermit with a sigh. “For Hoots’s sake Angus, learn to listen.”

A silence fell across the group.

A few moments later, Angus cautiously spoke up. “What if it bites itself and I die?”

“It’s voodoo,” Hoots responded.

“It’s you if you don’t stop asking stupid questions,” came the hermit’s response.

All of them knew he wouldn’t actually do good on that promise. 

Hopefully. 

Then, the Hootsman appeared to have a realization. “What if it bites me and someone else dies?” he asked.

“That’s correlation, not causation,” explained the hologram knight, likely wishing he could get drunk so he wouldn’t need to deal with these idiots sober. At least Ralathor was sober, too. 

The Hootsman’s question gave Angus an idea.

“And what if we bite each other and neither of us die?” Angus asked.

Ralathor and Proletius both immediately regretted not cutting in and allowing the Hootsman to answer.

“That’s kinky.”

Ralathor summoned himself a bottle of vodka and drank straight from the bottle. 

Proletius seemed to wish he could do the same.

**Author's Note:**

> This work was beta-read by [Lavender_Persimmon305](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavender_Persimmon305/pseuds/Lavender_Persimmon305) (Tumblr: [tellmeoflegends](https://tellmeoflegends.tumblr.com/)).


End file.
